Babe, have you seen
by MeteorLeopard
Summary: Urahara is in a state of severe panic and irrational insanity. But what could possibly be bad enough for him to resort to accusing his fridge of partaking in a conspiracy! Also, cats aren't called crafty for nothing. T for innuendo.


**Ta-daa! Back with another one-shot! HoneyBadger and I came up with the same idea during class because of something that our Life Orientation teacher let slip… so she might be writing something on this sort of theme too! But I got to post mine first! Haha! **

**So enjoy!**

**Title: Babe, have you seen my…**

**Author: MeteorLeopard (SugarFox)**

Urahara Kisuke was in a state of severe panic, which was rather unlike him and the complete opposite of his usual calm and tryingly cheerful self. Not that he would tell anyone the reason for his distress. He would rather try to solve the dire situation by himself, no Matter how dire the circumstances. Even if it triggered an internal breakdown and caused him to go slightly loopy. Well, at least loopier than he already was. He fidgeted across his shop, lifting random pieces of candy and lollipops in search of his super important device. When they proved to be unhelpful, his face fell in dismay. Where was it? Surely, it didn't just grow legs and run away?

An idea sparked and he suddenly dropped to the floor. Leopard crawling across the room, he inspected every inch of it, as well as looking under the shelving. He searched the entire area only to jump up again in disappointment, cobwebs clinging to his blonde mop. Crap, they were going to be here soon and he was going to be doomed if he didn't find it! This was very bad, like, life and death bad! His eyes zoomed in on the small waste paper basket sitting innocently in the corner.

Too innocently in fact…

"Hah!" He exclaimed, lunging at it ferociously. "You have it!" He dived at it and started wildly throwing crumpled bits of paper over his shoulders in his attack of the poor little basket. "Give it back!" He yelled at it before emitting a scary and almost sadistic laugh. The kind you would associate with the mentally ill. Not that he was at his mental best right now, but the laugh wasn't helping to convince anyone of his sanity.

After he had emptied the entire contents of the basket in this crazy fashion, he froze. It wasn't there. Curses, he had been almost sure that the basket had his contraption! He got up annoyed.

_Stupid basket! It's just sitting there, doing nothing, and plotting evil ways to steal my property!_ He ranted internally glaring at the basket. He had never liked it. It was just slightly a shade off to match the colour scheme. Now it was just sitting there, tormenting him!

"Stop mocking me! I have my eyes on you! Stupid pile of grass!" He shrieked at it as the door slid open. Yoruichi stopped, surprised, and gave him a skeptical look, her eyebrow raised. She had an expression of slight worry for her lover's mental health. If he was yelling at a waste paper basket…

"You alright, Kisuke?"

He straightened up and tried an innocent look. "Of course! Pfft! Why wouldn't I be? I am just peachy!" He lied with his voice going slightly high pitched towards the end. The classic liar's voice.

Yoruichi just shook her head and walked to the corner, making herself comfortable in the sofa, she kept a wary eye on him. Almost as if she was trying to see if he was showing any symptoms of mad cow disease, and if he did, frankly she wouldn't be surprised.

He gave her a shifty look and then threw a final glance around the room.

_Hah! Maybe it is hidden in the kitchen… I wouldn't put it past the sneaky basket to hide it there!_

He tried to casually stroll towards the kitchen and only ended up looking like a spastic piece of kelp. Somehow it is safe to say that he will never be a famous movie star or walk down a red carpet.

He entered the kitchen, made an immediate beeline for the fridge, and flung it open. Maybe it was behind some pickles or under a piece of cheese! Alas, he bit into a pickle, it wasn't there, and he crunched sulkily.

_So the fridge is also in on it with the basket! I will have to replace it soon, I can't have a traitorous fridge in my house! _

He didn't pause to think about whether or not his assessment was completely valid.

Another idea arose and he threw his pickle up in excitement. He shuffled towards to cupboards and drawers, snatching them open he paid little attention to the flying pickle that had landed on his hat. Rummaging through everything, he began tossing things out, almost impaling Tessai with some chopsticks as he came through the doorway to see what the huge racket was about.

"Urahara-dono, if you are hungry I will make you something to eat. There is no need to destroy the kitchen." He told his boss while inspecting the half-eaten pickle perching on his stripy hat, and a crazed look in his eyes that could be mistaken for starvation but was actually just one of insanity.

Urahara decided that maybe he should just ask Tessai-san if he had seen it. He was rather close with the fridge, and they saw each other on a daily basis… He changed his mind and decided that maybe Tessai was in cahoots with the basket's plan via the fridge! "No, thank you Tessai-san, I am fine." He lied again and began to edge towards the door. "Seriously." He assured looking at Tessai's scrutinizing gaze, who was wondering if his boss had finally lost the plot.

Attempting to be casual once more, he left the room, throwing one last look over his shoulder. This was crazy, it had to be here somewhere! He was running out of time! They were going to be here in the next few hours! He saw Yoruichi's gaze fall on him again and wondered if she would know where it was. He decided he would only ask her as a last resort, it was petty, but he didn't want her to laugh at him.

_Where else could it be? Hah! The storeroom! Boxes are made of cardboard and the basket is for waste paper! There is a connection between the two, and they are hiding my device!_

Several hours later, a mere ten minutes before his guest were due to arrive, he had decided to resort to, well, his last resort. He had unpacked the entire storeroom, repacked it, and went crazy messing it up all over again. After getting caught in a box-avalanche he found himself cursing the waste paper basked for turning his boxes against him.

He had also spent two hours digging arbitrary holes all over his underground training room in the hope that maybe it was buried there somehow. He then ultimately ended up cursing the rocks and throwing them around in a childish way and stomping his foot in frustration. "Stupid basket! You will not defeat me!" He had also searched the Kurosaki clinic, giving Yuzu a fright when he had popped out from behind the x-ray machine that he had been trying to steal to see if the neighbor's dog had perhaps eaten it.

_That dog is always sneaking around, trying to secretly steal my candy and meet secretly with the stupid basket!_

Curses! It really wasn't anywhere and he needed it desperately! Walking back into the shop, looking rather dejected, his eyes fell on his lover still sitting on the sofa in the corner.

Wait, was she smirking? He guessed he would have to ask her, there really was no other way and he was desperate.

_Well here goes nothing…_

"Babe, have you seen my fan?" He asked timidly, hoping to goodness that she knew where his beloved fan was. She did her usual cat like stretch and grinned at him. She knew where it was! The sneaky minx! She did a theatrical yawn, before she reached into her cleavage and pulled out his missing fan. The stupid contraption he had been searching for the entire day!

"You mean this one?" She asked in a teasing tone and his eyes widened. She opened it and fanned herself with it, giving him a seductive look from behind it. She had it the whole time and didn't even tell him! He felt like killing her. Well, the feeling was close.

"You had it the entire time and you didn't tell me?" He yelled at her in disbelief, his voice taking on a sulky tone. He couldn't believe he had degraded himself to yelling at inanimate objects while she had just watched.

"You didn't ask." She told him simply and stalked towards him the fan still in hand. Coming really close she lifted her hand behind her and kept the fan just out of his reach. His eyes darted to the fan and then to the clock. They were going to be here in five minutes!

"Look, it's alright, just give it here, they are going to be here soon and I need it!" he made a wild grab for it and she pulled it away and he missed, in the process looking rather stupid.

"No way, you can't have it." She told him and he pouted, she wouldn't give it to him. What was the sneaky cat up to now?

"But sweetie, I need it!" He tried the puppy dog look and she just laughed at him, hiding it back in her cleavage again, she turned towards their bedroom. Throwing a seductive look over her shoulder, she made a deal with him. A deal that would be very hard to refuse...

"If you want it, then come and get it."

He threw a look at the clock and then decided to take her up on the offer. It was really a win-win situation for the both of them and he went after her. He was going to get his fan back and have great fun doing it…

**Omake:**

**The silvery Senkaimon opened and the captains of both the thirteenth and eighth squad strolled through for their visit with Urahara. They moseyed through the shop and noticed it was rather empty. This was strange, since Urahara was usually sitting around doing nothing. Running into Tessai, they asked where Urahara was. **

"**Urahara-dono is currently busy and won't be able to see you for awhile." **

"**So what is the nutter doing now? A freeze ray? Shrinking ray? Or a new type of gigai?" Kyoraku asked shaking his head with an amused grin Ukitake nodding along.**

"**He is looking for his fan, it has gone missing." Tessai told them in all seriousness and they looked at each other confused. Rather a strange way to waste ones time…**

"**Very well then, we can speak to Yoruichi in the meantime. Is she here?" Ukitake asked not too worried about Urahara not being available. They would just spend their time in the charming flash goddess' company until Urahara was done.**

"**I am afraid that is not possible, Yoruichi-dono is also preoccupied at this present time." Tessai told them and they frowned.**

"**What is she doing?" Kyoraku asked, curious as to what the flash goddess would be busy with at this time. **

"**She is helping to look for Urahara-dono's fan."**

**Kyoraku and Ukitake exchange confused looks in the silence. Something was a little bit off.**

"**Feel free to relax here until they are ready to see you." Tessai bowed his way out and then left them sitting in the lounge wondering why Urahara's fan was so important. Sitting in the silence, they heard muffled sounds from the room next door that didn't sound very appropriate. Or very much like they were looking for a fan. Recognizing the sounds of passion, realization dawned and they cringed, deciding it would be best to leave. It seemed that Urahara and Yoruichi were indeed rather busy.**

"**So that is what they call it these days…" Kyoraku laughed and they left chuckling, leaving the two of them to their fan searching.**

**A/N: PLEASE REVIEW! **


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